Hoorahs, Horseshoes and Handgrenades

Congratulations to Neil Crouse and David Sutz, and in Monroe: James Purcell, Teddy Wright and Wayne Chan, winners in their village elections.

Congrats also to Lorraine McNeil, John Karl, Charlie Lesser and Inda Stora, both for past service and their willingness to put themselves out there.

Congrats, lastly, to the few hundred who managed to get down to the polls and vote.

And to the vast majority, who couldn't be bothered, who knew for a fact that one vote doesn't make any difference, we'll point out that David won by eight votes and James won by two.

If you'd voted the winning margins might have been larger or the outcomes different, no one will ever know because it just wasn't worth your time.

To quote Ken Starr as he logged Monica's dress into evidence: "Clothes, but no cigar."

Village of the Damp

The Election Results:

Crouse: 237
Sutz: 177
McNeil: 169


Write Ins:
Meyers: 1 (see I told you)
Kling: 2

Vox Populi

Anyone who may wish to complain about the Village of Woodbury during the next 12 months has to earn the right to do so by dragging his or her ass down to Village Hall (above the Highland Mills Fire House), Tuesday, March 16, between noon and 9 PM and vote.

If you are writing-in, remember it must be done with a Crayola Crayon.

Natural Splendour

Woodbury is about to undergo one of the most beautiful transformations of the year as Winter ends and Mud Season begins.

This weekend, when we turn our clocks sideways and rotate the batteries in our smoke detectors, torrential rains will melt the remaining foot and a half of snow and magically transform the saturated layer of earth, sitting atop the impenetrable frozen layer of earth, into soup.

Come witness nature at its most wondrous. Hip waders a suggestion.

Guarding The Border

By the by, why are the Citizens for the Perversion of Woodbury so interested in "the Ancestry of People in Woodbury" and "Place of Birth of People in Woodbury?"

It concerns them enough to link to that data from their Home page:
http://www.preservewoodbury.org/


As a Damned Furriner himself, the Uncle finds those perversionist folks to be just a tad spooky.

Invisible Writing

Can you run a write in campaign without telling anyone?

If you're Ralph Caruso the answer may be: "yeah, well, sort of."

Ralph is that rare creature who would be more successful as a candidate if hardly anyone knew he was running.

Here is how it would work:

First, you have your herd of zombies memorize how to spell Ralph's name.

You keep mum about the whole deal.

On election day you cart all your zombies down to the voting booths and have them write in Ralph and make sure they don't also vote for anyone else.

Then, when it turns out that hardly anyone else got off their butts to go vote --- you win!

Why keep mum?

Well, aside from the zombies, pretty much no one else wants to see Ralph on the village board.

If folks thought there was any real chance that Ralph could win they might actually drag themselves down to Village Hall to vote for someone else.

Low turnout + dedicated zombies = Trustee Caruso.

Just a thought.