Does The Uncle Sell Out?

The Uncle has been plastering his blather (and your counter-blather) onto the internet for almost 10 months now. And in that time you folks have shown up nearly 40,000 times.

Holy Babbage, that's a lot of hits.

If the Uncle were a more mercenary sort, he'd sell ad space on this blog and make a very minor fortune.

But the Uncle doesn't do things that way.

He sees you, dear readers and commenters, as friends, as family - and one does not make money exploiting friends and family.

Well, the head of the Woodbury Republican committee might.

Bill Larkin's Aide might.

But the Uncle?

No way!

That being said, allow me to point out one thing:

THE UNCLE IS A FRIPPING IDIOT!

Mother of Lulabelle! There's money to be made here.

See how far you can get on the pension of a retired Central American dictator.

The Uncle didn't even think to negotiate Dental when the junta was banging on the Presidential Palace door.

So....

How disgusted, horrified and just plain pissed would you folks be if the Uncle let an ad or two creep onto the damn blog?

This is a democracy. Scare me enough and I'll keep things as they are.

But demonstrate the apathy that Woodbury is known and loved for and LONG GREEN - HERE I COME (say, didn't Long Green star on Bonanza?).

Seeing The Light

Much as I hate to admit it, sometimes the Uncle is just plain slow.

I watched the last town board meeting. Fully prepared for "the show" as John Burke calls it.

I had my buttered pop-corn, my Diet Dr. Pepper, my cat, all the things that one needs for full enjoyment of our own, home-grown version of "Mad TV."

I loved seeing Bo explain that the village vote was a referendum on the Town Board and that there was 90% turnout in the last presidential election.

I ate it up when Caruso explained that he’d challenged the voter registration of all the Jews on Milval and Serpi because those are "summer bungalows".

I was thrilled to see the Rump Roast, just for old times sake.

But I didn’t quite get the whole "Seasonal Dwelling" thing. Obviously something was going on. Obviously Swiller was on one side and the Ralphlings were on the other. But what exactly was the issue?

So, the Uncle sent out the nieces and the nephews to snoop around a little.

Here’s what it’s all about (near as we can decode it).

Swiller lives in a place called Raananah Park. It was built about 70 years ago as a summer community; what was then called, generically, a "bungalow colony".

Well, there are no bungalows there now. Over the decades the houses have been rebuilt and it’s now one of the most beautiful communities in town - substantial homes (with not a bi-level in sight), huge lawns, and a humongous number of trees. Trees everywhere. Tons of trees.

No wonder KJ’s clear-cutting ways don’t sit well with Swiller.

And, the residents there pay full taxes.

But, once upon a time it was called a bungalow colony.

And that’s what Caruso and Donnelly are trying to use to get Swiller’s place called "Seasonal."

Because...

If it’s "Seasonal" no one can live there after the "Season." That would be from June 15th to October 15th.

It seems the whole point of the Seasonal Law is to keep summer cabins without heat or winter water or insulation or proper leech fields from being used year round.

Those homes in Raananah Park are no summer cabins. Each one is a hell of a lot nicer than Caruso’s shack (which looks like a mobile home).

But, there were Caruso and Donnelly and Mullooly and a brand new Ralphling named Mary Beth King, all trying to get Swiller thrown out of his home.

You gotta hand it to Ralph. Just when you think you know how scummy he is, he shows you that he was just warming up.

If he can’t beat you politically. And he can’t get you to buy his lies. And he can’t scare you. And his smears don’t work. He’ll just try to get you thrown out of your home.

What a fine human being.

Facilis descensus Averno

Cincinnatus Speaks

(The Uncle received this email, signed “Cincinnatus.” )

There are those men to whom the rest of us are merely background, or pawns, or, worse yet, prey. Lacking in empathy, they are willing to do or say anything to advance their goals. The truth or a lie are of equal weight, whichever comes first to hand will do. And what happens to those of us damaged by their actions is of no consequence at all.

It seems that two such men are Ralph Caruso and Gedalye Szegedin. Each to the other, a face in the mirror.

In front of them they extend their fingers – for Ralph, there are Donnelly and Siebold and Baranowski and other such – for Gedalye, there are Wieder and Felberman and Witriol and more. Some are merely blunt instruments and some are used for finer work, but they are no more than tools, and liars all.

And behind these two men, deeper removed into the shadows, there are other men. For Caruso there is Larkin. For Szegedin there is Hirsch.

But let us keep our gaze on Caruso and Szegedin. Through conspiracy or merely confluence of interest, they have now achieved a shared goal. Woodbury is a village.

Caruso’s lust to have this come about is evident, but do not doubt that it was Szegedin’s goal as well.

These past two weeks, every action taken in the name of Kiryas Joel moved us toward a Village of Woodbury:

...Attorney Lynch’s announced (but barely felt) appeal to halt the vote.
...The sudden appearance of 200 new voters – the greatest number deciding that the bungalow colonies were their primary residences, while Brooklyn was a mere vacation venue.
...The formation of a brand new homeowners association (presided over by Kiryas Joel’s own Director of Public Safety – a President who did not even know that his members live on Milval and not Melville) with the announced intent of registering 300 disgruntled (we are told) residents.
...And, most telling of all, an astonishing letter from our neighbor, Mayor Abraham Wieder, telling us that he is such a fine and unassuming neighbor and begging us to vote “no.”

And every one of these events frightening the Woodbury folk into voting yes.

How remarkable.
How unforeseen.

Could Szegedin ever have imagined that all these actions might actually result in a “yes” vote?

Without a doubt.

How fortunate for Ralph, that when his fortunes ebbed; that when the united might of the town employees and the firemen and the policemen all seemed poised to kill this Village of Woodbury scheme, once and for all – that suddenly the powers that be in KJ act, and act again, and again, and a fourth time – and every action taken in the name of Kiryas Joel moved us toward a Village of Woodbury.

How lucky for Ralph.

How unlucky for the rest of us.

And now we must look back and ask why.

And we must look forward – and this time think past our fear and act wisely

Village Of The Damp

Okiedoke
So, the Village of Woodbury is created. The vote is 17 gazillion to 3 (it seems that someone other than Booth and Swiller voted no).

Now what?

Well first, if the number of challenged voters is greater then the margin of victory the machines will be sealed and the official announcement of the vote will be held in abeyance pending resolution of the challenges.

It aint.

Next, the New York State Secretary of State is given official notification of the creation of a brand spanking new village.

Then KJ Mayor Wieder denounces everybody and threatens to sue someone.

Next Town Clerk Desiree Potvin appoints Desiree Potvin as Village Clerk.

Next Village Clerk Desiree Potvin places a notice in the Town's Newspaper of Record announcing an opening for a village idiot.

Then our taxes go up, the village goes bankrupt and we hang Ralph in effigy or in Strawtown.

Damn, Schenectady is a long way to go for a beer.

What About That Other Village Slouching Towards Woodbury To Be Born

OK, the Uncle has told us a horror story about the Village of Woodbury, but if we vote no, what about the dreaded Village of KJ jr?

It could happen.

That is so.

The Pie Man claims that he has an Up-against-the-wall-If-All-Else-Fails-What-the-hell-we're-all-doomed-anyway Plan that's crazy enough that it might just work.

But that's no guarantee.

So, how likely is a Village of KJ jr?

The Uncle, the Pie Man and the mysterious Mr. Zed all say "It could happen, but don't count on it."

Why not?

Szegedin's first choice is annexation.

A nice big chunk, right into his hands.

A KJ jr wouldn't exactly be his.

Remember, Ralph Caruso got one Woodbury Town Board member elected after another.

And, once in office, one after another escaped his clammy grip.

KJ jr would require it's own board. The village and it's board would owe their existences to Grampa Gedalye. But, little by little, they might just find their own way in this world.

Grampa might hold back on Jr's allowance. He might order Jr to bed with no dinner. But he can never be absolutely sure that Jr won't climb out the bedroom window, keys to the family Chevy in hand.

Not only that. A village, Sr or Jr, needs well disciplined voters to keep things going the way Grampa wants.

Back home he sees his majority becoming thinner and thinner. The dissidents are growing. Some say an honest vote would show they are the real majority already.

How many trained and disciplined voters can Szegedin spare to hold the natives in check in the new village when things at home are already so tenuous?

And, none, none of these problems would be confronted with a nice clean annexation.

So, is a KJ jr impossible? Nope. But it sure isn't choice number one.

A Bedtime Story

A few years back, if memory serves, when John Karl first ran for the Monroe Village Board, the folks who run KJ hated his guts and wanted him to lose.

So they endorsed him.

Now, everything that KJ's bosses are doing -

announcing a suit to stop the Village of Woodbury vote -
suddenly registering 200 new voters -
having Moses Witriol (KJ's head of Public Safety) announce the formation of the specious South West Woodbury Home Owners Association -
writing a letter to people throughout Woodbury begging them to vote no

all of that has had one single effect:
to scare a great many Woodburians into voting yes.

Think that's not what they intended?

A few weeks back one of the Uncle's favorite pen pals (I won't say who, but pie comes to mind) emailed the following scenario - the Uncle has been hoarding it until this very night.

Let us say the Village of Woodbury is created.

And let us say a group of people all answerable to one man (Ralph Caruso for example, to pick a name at random) is elected to run the Village of Woodbury.

And them some little time later, the Village of Kiryas Joel submits an annexation request for a humongous portion of Woodbury.

Well the boards of the Village of Woodbury and the Town of Woodbury will both say no, of course.

The powers that be in KJ might well threaten to take the matter to court.

Now, someone looking out for our interests, perhaps one such as Ralph, might well say "court is expensive and you can never tell how they'll decide, can't we work something out?"

And Messrs Szegedin and Wieder will respond "We are reasonable men. Of course we can work out a compromise. Instead of this humongous portion of Woodbury, which we see that you are loathe to part with, give us only ACE Farms (and a bit around it) and the Banda properties on Acres Road and Bakertown Road and Blueberry Lane {which by the way has access to Cromwell Lake, Woodbury's back up water supply}, and Milval (which we enjoy calling Melville) and Serpi and Schunemunk and Amdur Park and the Bungalow Colonies on Owen and a little of this and a little of that."

And, Mr Caruso, or whomever, might well say, "Gee, you already own lots of that, so why not? But do you promise never to come back and ask for more?"

"We most surely do," they will reply in unison.

"Done deal!"

And, one expects, the Village of KJ Board will vote yes, and the Village of Woodbury board (under the wise guidance, perhaps, of Mr. Caruso) will vote yes and all eyes will turn to the Town of Woodbury Board.

And many voices will plead and cajole and argue with the Town Board to say yes.

Do not be surprised if Mr. Baranowski and Mr. Reveille and Mr. Donnelly and Mrs. Mullooly and Mr. Haviland and Mrs. Gerard and Mr. Siebold and Mr. Ungerer and Mrs. Fitzgerald and Mr. Sullivan and Mrs. Reveille and Mr. Seyferth and Mrs. Ungerer and Mrs. Gross-Ferraro -- that is to say all the wise and independent voices that so often try to lend us their wisdom and their independence--will importune the Town Board to say yes.

And Mr. Caruso might well ask the same.

And our Town Supervisor, wisest and independentest of all, might ask the Board "What say you?"

And, perhaps, the Board will remain unmoved and they might very well say no.

Then What?

Then back to court. The very thing that Caruso (perhaps) tried to steer us from at the start. But now the court will be told "Look, your honors, the Village of KJ says yes, the Village of Woodbury says yes, and only the mean and obdurate (look it up, it's a word) Town of Woodbury says no.

"But" say the lawyers "The Town of Woodbury Board is led by a man who has put into print the view that Woodbury must protect its "HERITAGE" from the black garbed men of KJ."

"HE SAID WHAT?" screams the court.

"Just as we have told you, and he has said they pose the threat of creating an 'Imbalance of Voting.'"

"BIGOTED SNOT!" yells the court, "We will have none of it. The annexation is allowed!"

Now it's past your bed times, so turn off the light and go to sleep.

HYDE PARK

Want to post your vote, do it just below at "ONE WORD ONLY"

Want to comment on the vote?

Do it here.

One Word Only

Yes or No?

That's all the Uncle is asking.

If you live in Woodbury and want the world to know how you will vote, say it here and say it now.

Here are the rules:

1) You must sign in using your real name.

2) you must type one word only, either "yes" or "no".

3) you must live in Woodbury.

ALL ANONYMOUS POSTS WILL BE DELETED.
ALL POSTS WITH ANYTHING MORE THAN "YES" OR "NO" WILL BE DELETED.
NON-WOODBURY FOLKS, PLEASE POST AT HYDE PARK ABOVE, NOT ON THIS THREAD.

If you want to comment, explain your vote, yell and curse- you have to do that at some other entry on this blog. Feel free to go to the entry just above this one, labeled "HYDE PARK." and vent to your hearts content or explain 'til your blue in the face - but not on this one thread.

This entry is for ONE WORD ONLY.

Use a phony name - it will be deleted.
Say "Yes, but.." or "No, because..." - it will be deleted.

If you see your name falsely entered by someone else (now who would do that?) email the Uncle immediately at cuzzincookie@hotmail.com .

For those of you who don't know how to comment:
you have to hit the word "comments" immediately below this entry,
type "yes" or "no" in the box,
choose "other" (NOT ANONYMOUS),
type in your full name - first and last,
you can ignore the line for "your web page",
type in the strange looking letters that appear above the box labeled "Word Verification."
If you mistype those letters you get as many more chances as you need, don't get flustered.

If you have questions send them to cuzzincookie@hotmail.com

Ralph, If You're Trying To Screw Me, At Least Buy Me Dinner First.

Some fun facts from tonights forum at the IBEW:

John (let the public speak) Burke was asked by the Fire Commissioners (who put together the forum) to broadcast it on channel 22. Big John's response "Absolutely not!" What makes this most interesting is that Burke doesn't have the power to make that decision - it's up to the whole town board - and Burke had since last Thursday to get their views - only it sorta slipped his mind.

Ralph (Committee for the Perversion of Woodbury) Caruso was whomped upside the head repeatedly for putting out his fact-free booklet. Seems he couldn't quite explain how he could claim to know exactly what the possible future village board would choose to do and exactly how much those imiginary decisions would cost.

Jonathan ("you're on your own") Swiller said that he couldn't tell anyone else how to vote but he was voting "no." Is that sorta, kinda, maybe like a hint?

We all learned one hell of a lot about fire departments, fire companies and fire fighting volunteers, only the Uncle couldn't follow most of it (nor could Ralph who kept confusing a coterminus town and village with a coterminus village and fire district).

We heard that a new village might well have to spend $200,000 a year just on insurance. We're not quite sure where that would fit into Ralph's total $140,000 village budget. (And that doesn't even begin to include the gazillion dollars in legal fees it would cost to set up the damned village).

No one asked about the rest of Ralph's wierd numbers like a projected $7500 a year for village clerk. Village clerks in even the most stripped down villages have full time, day to day responsibilities like recording village board actions, handling FOILs, keeping the village records, etc, etc.. They also have to run village elections which includes registering voters, receiving and verifying petitions, creating poll books, overseeing election day nicities like poll watchers and voting machines and such like, tabulating and reporting results. All that and more for $7,500 a year? Wow!

It turns out that Joe Ferguson is still alive.

Bob Reveille and John Baranowski were not visibly present. Rumor has it that Caruso's mind meld was wearing off so they had to be locked in a basement somewhere until they could be re-reprogrammed.

The Toad, the Rump Roast and the Ankle Biter were present and took turns confusing everyone.

Bubbles and Bo were AWOL.

Bubble's whereabout were unknown.

As to Bo, legend has it that during the full moon he turns into a normal person.

McKenna was there for the Record, a cutie named Caitlin was there for the Photo News and Channel 12 was there - hey wait - Channel 12 was allowed to have its cameras there, but the Town of Woodbury wasn't?