Cluster Development vs Caruso Cluster F*ck

Ralph Caruso wants to put an end to Cluster Development in Woodbury, because after all, Cluster Development is terrible...

...except for the minor fact that it isn't.

But why should actual information slow down Ralph?

It didn't get in his way (or into his brain) when he sold us his fully researched village. The one with the few little side effects - like threatening the town with insolvency.

But, obviously Cluster Development must be an awful thing.

Google "Cluster Development."

What you'll find are dozens of articles, such as the one below, from the University of Illinois Extension.

Every one that I've seen (and there may be an exception or two, but it hasn't popped up yet) has said basically the same thing. Cluster Development is the best answer to suburban sprawl. Planners say that Cluster Development preserves open space that sub-division development lays waste to.

Go look for yourselves.

(Except you Ralph, you're excused from looking, after all, you might learn something and hurt yourself.)


Cluster/Conservation Development
Introduction
Over the past fifty years, residential development has spread across the Illinois landscape, quite rapidly in some areas. As urbanized areas have grown, people have migrated to what have become known as subdivisions located in more suburban or rural areas on the outskirts of towns and cities. Much of this type of development has followed a traditional design, which some have described as checkerboard or cookie-cutter housing development. The residential zoning ordinances in most communities have encouraged such traditional designs by requiring minimum lot sizes, uniform road frontage and lot setbacks, specific road standards, and other standard requirements. In general, the only open space within such developments has been the yards between adjoining privately owned housing lots. In many cases, little planning went into preserving or improving the quality of the open-space areas or protecting natural features on the developed parcel.

As concerns over issues such as urban sprawl, open-space preservation, environmental protection, and farmland loss have increased, some home buyers, developers, and community officials have started to question whether the traditional development pattern provides the quality of life that many homeowners now desire. To help address these issues, a rather new concept in development, cluster or conservation design, has become predominant in many communities. Although still somewhat new to many Midwestern areas, the cluster designs have been used for some time in parts of the eastern United States and are beginning to show up in Illinois.

What Is Cluster Development?
The most common name for this new development approach is cluster development, but conservation design and a number of regional terms are applied to the same concept. Regardless of its name, the main objective of cluster development is to allow residential, or even commercial, development while still protecting the area's environmental features, allowing for more open space, and protecting farmland and the character of rural communities.

Cluster developments differ from traditional developments in several ways. Cluster developments usually site homes on smaller lots and there is less emphasis on minimum lot size. However, the total number of homes, or density, on a given acreage does not necessarily increase over that allowed in the traditional subdivision designs. The same number of homes is clustered on a smaller portion of the total available land. The remaining land, which would have been allocated to individual home sites, is now converted into protected open space and shared by the residents of the subdivision and possibly the entire community. (It is important to note that there is flexibility on the 'homes per land area issue: some incentive-based ordinances allow for development of more homes in exchange for providing other non-required features that are desirable to the community.)

In most cases, local ordinances and regulations must be updated to facilitate building conservation development subdivisions. Road frontages, lot size, setbacks, and other traditional regulations must be redefined to permit the preservation of environmentally sensitive areas, rural architecture, historical sites, and other unique characteristics of the parcel of land being developed. Developers often cite local regulations as the primary reason more innovative designs are not used. More flexible regulations does not mean anything goes, however. Traditional codes must be replaced with new design standards that address the goals of conservation development, such as open space preservation, etc.

From The Record's Secret, Backroom, Hidie-Hole, Deep in the Cave, Stay Out -That Means You Debate

"Caruso, who led the charge for the village formation and has been a combatant in recent development battles, made clear he regards the election at least partly as an opportunity to settle scores with a Town Board that until now has held all the cards. "

Okiedoke, so much for a close working relationship between the village and the town.

Best Satirical Writing Of The Week

Vote for Caruso Ralph Caruso has always been one of those very special community leaders who runs because he believes in servant leadership; because it's his right as an American; because he loves his community; because he is a champion for rightness.

He deserves to be elected because he is true. Caruso has helped many others get elected countless times. He is deeply involved and knowledgeable in the running of local government. It's time for the best to be elected. We need his skills and temperament in an elective calling that many believe is seeped in vanity.

Vote for Caruso. We need an honest, astute leader with demonstrated effectiveness who is brave enough to take on the special interests. I urge all of Woodbury to turn out the vote for Ralph Caruso.

Dr. Roberto Calderin
Highland Mills

Demand Answers

Would you go to a doctor, a dentist, a car mechanic who refused to answer your questions?

Would you buy a tv, a chain saw or even a pound of hamburger meat from a merchant who refused to answer your questions?

Would you hire a house keeper, a dog walker or a gardener who refused to answer your questions?

A political campaign is an extended job interview. The candidates are asking you to hire them. You are the boss and you should demand answers.

So far Ralph Caruso has ducked having to answer questions in public. When his one-on-one answers have been quoted, his anonymous supporters denounce the quotes as lies.

If any of you run into Ralph question him.

He can't duck all of you.

Here are some questions that demand answers:

Why does his first "Preservation Kit," the one he used to convince us to vote for a village, state repeatedly that he would not change zoning while now he says he would "tighten zoning" or change "vague" parts of our zoning law, or, to quote one of his running mates "tweak" it? Why didn't he mention "tweaking" the first time around?

Why does he still insist today that the village can pay $1 a year for town services even though we now know that, by the end of 2007, his village will get the lion's share of the revenue that now goes to the town?
Since he touts how well he researched the village, why didn't he let us know about that before hand?
Why has he still refused even to acknowledge that this is happening?

Why did he suggest that creating a village would somehow prevent annexation when state law is clear that the procedure hor annexing land from a village is exactly the same as the procedure for annexing land from a town?
If he claims that "if you read what I said carefully you'll see that I never claimed annexation couldn't happen" ask him why it was necessary to "read carefully?"
Why does a candidate rely on fine print and weasel words instead of telling us the truth clearly and openly?

Ask him why, at the fire company's forum at the IBEW, when the fire company legal specialist explained how the fire company would be dissolved, did Ralph again and again and again say "No you're wrong" without quoting facts, without quoting laws? And if he says, as some have reported, "afterwards the lawyer came over to me and said that I was right." ask him how that was possible when we all saw the lawyer leave long before the forum ended or Caruso ever left his seat? Ask why he won't say that in public, where he can refuted?

Ask him why he refused to go to the debate before the voters at the high school, and if he claims that OCEAN was biased against him ask him about the Times Herald Record's repeated assurances that the Record was in complete control of the format and the content. Why was this good enough for all three other mayoral candidates, but not good enough for him. And if he doesn't trust the Times Herald Record, why did he ask for a hidden debate, behind closed doors, attended only by the Record's editors? Is it OCEAN he is afraid of or the public?

If he says that he just didn't know any of this, ask him why every time that someone tried to explain it, Ralph loudly and repeatedly said they were wrong? Why didn't he listen and check things out instead of blindly stumbling forward, never once doubting his own certainty? Is that how he would act if he were mayor? Is that the way he "researches" the law?

Ask him if he'll put his answers in writing.

Let us all know what he says.

Post his answers here - if you get any.

And if he slides around the questions, if he changes the subjects, if he talks but says nothing, if he says he has no time, tell us that too?

Would you hire a mayor who won't answer your questions?

Patent Pending Revisited

The Uncle has gone to the vault to resurrect this Golden Oldie from November of '05. Some things are eternal new.

Is Ralphie as dependable as clockwork, or what?

Here it is, the day before the election, and what pops into mail boxes all over town?

Sugar plums?

Lumps of coal?

Nope.

The patented Caruso, always on time UNSIGNED LATE HITTING LIE.

And what a magnificent big stinking turd it is.

Dare I quote, or will Ralph sue for copyright infringement?

Town of Woodbury Town Board Members Voted Thursday Evening November 3, 2005 at a Hastily Called Regular Town Board Meeting – ok let’s pause here and admire the phrase "hastily called regular town board meeting."

Honestly, could any of you have produced such a work of art as that?

The Uncle (who in his youth attempted to pass the occasional whopper, learned the hard way, that lying, like wing walking and bear baiting, is a pursuit best left to the trained professional) could never dare dream of creating such an exquisitely bald faced lie.

It’s as if Ralph anticipates the reader will see this mutant flamingo of a statement and say –"Naw, it has to be true, it’s so, it’s so,…obviously self-contradictory that no one would make it up."

Yes indeedee, that’s how the human mind works. Show it the impossible and it will invent an explanation.

So, we have this HASTILY CALLED, REGULAR TOWN MEETING. And were there refreshments? Jumbo shrimp, perhaps?

Nope.

We are told that it "was Originally Scheduled as a "Work Session" Meeting."

(yes, of course it was, since every other work session is on Monday night, this mutant one was due on Thursday just so Sheila could be sneaky and turn it into a regular town meeting just like every other Thursday Town Meeting and oh my head hurts, but please, Ralph, continue)

"and Approved The Largest Zoning Change in Woodbury’s History!"

Woodbury’s history?

Just Woodbury’s history?

Don’t wuss out on us now Ralph. It’s an obvious typo. Has to be. I’m sure it was meant to say: The Largest Zoning Change In The History Of The World!"

And that’s only one side. Turn the page over. I dare you. "READ THIS ARTICLE" aha, John Burke has shown up.

Ralph was far too subtle, only captitalizing the first letter of every goddamned word.

None of that for big John, a hearty, well pompadored fellow, with capitalization to match – and yes, time for another pause while the Uncle draws yours mind's eye towards this happy band of warriors.

See them now, prancing in tights through Sherwood Forest.

Spry, young Robin - no other than Ralph, a leader among men, an object of yearning among women, steady as a rock and twice as humourless.

And Little John, quite obviously, the largest, most fearsome of the group: Carol Mullooly. A woman, yes, but manly in so many ways. A veritable walking rump roast of a warrior.

Friar Tuck – Burke himself. A man of the material world with just enough of the spiritual to get him into the Abbot’s wine cellar.

Maid Marian: Bubbles Reveille, sitting side-saddle atop a prancing roan (OK a large, prancing roan).

Alan a Dale and Will Scarlet: Henry(Hank) and Bo Amidee Haviland (or is it Bo Haviland Amidee?) The Tweedle Dum and Tweedle Brain-Dead of Woodbury politics.

And, off in his keep, humming "shoo fly don’t bother me" the mad Sheriff of Nottingham: Don the Ankle Biter.

And what brings this band of merry men together?

Why, it’s page two of the patented Unsigned Late Hitting Lie.

Ralph, exhausted by his labors on the first side ("Hastily," remember? "Regular," remember?) lies spent, in a coagulating pool of his own grey sweat.

And so John Burke, and all his capital letters, stolen, one at a time, from the Board of Ed (along with a lifetime supply of chalk) takes over:

READ THIS ARTICLE THE LAWS THAT WERE PASSED WILL PERMIT "HIGH DENSITY HOUSING" ON ALL THE LANDS LEFT TO BE BUILT IN WOODBURY!

Obviously the work of a lesser talent. "High density housing" indeed?

That one was already done to death.

Yes John, one house per acre John, high density John, sure John. Oh, ho hum! All the lands left in Woodbury. Oh fer sure fer sure. OK, OK.

I’m hard on John. But what he lacks in wit and originality he makes up for in productivity. A mere 14 words, and he has crammed in three whole lies.

We already know about High Density. But then there’s the little idea that this applies to all the lands left to be built on in Woodbury. And what backs this up? Why "read the article."

I’ll give John this, that last one is subtle. "Read the article" isn’t exactly a lie, because it doesn’t state any facts – all it does is imply.

And what does it imply?

That if you read the article, everything that Ralph and John wrote will be backed up, and by no less an authority than Chris McKenna.

Now give these boys credit. There’s the article, right on the same page, out in the open, for anyone to read.

And that’s the beauty part.

The article doesn’t say a blessed thing about any of this.

But they know no one is going to read it.

High density? – not in the article.

Applies to all the lands left to build on in Woodbury? – not in the article (except in Mike Erroneous’ fevered imaginings).

Hastily scheduled…originally work session…largest zoning change??? Nope, nope and nope. Not one blessed word about any of those in the article.

And they know you won’t read it.

Wanna sneak a peek?

Don’t tell anybody..shhh – here it is:

November 04, 2005Woodbury board OKs housingBy Chris McKennaTimes Herald-Recordcmckenna@th-record.comWoodbury –

The Town Board met last night at the Woodbury senior citizens center and adopted a package of laws allowing developer Bill Brodsky to proceed with plans to build 451 homes on land previously zoned for 148, off Dunderberg and Nininger roads.

All the votes were 4-1, with Councilman Michael Aronowitz casting the sole dissenting vote.

Supervisor Sheila Conroy and councilwomen Geraldine Gianzero, Lorraine McNeill and Colleen Campbell voted yes.

It was a strangely muted conclusion to a controversy that has stirred fierce opposition at town meetings. The crowd of about 100 was silent after the votes. Several spectators later rose to speak, but the board wouldn't let anyone talk about the project without the developer or his representatives there to respond.

Afterward, Conroy reiterated what she has said all along were some of the project's chief merits, including the donation of more than 100 acres of open space to the town and the inclusion of age-restricted houses."The thing I feel bad about is it was turned into a political issue from the beginning," she said.

Aronowitz, who has repeatedly urged the board to hold off on the votes until it finishes updating the town master plan, said afterward he was concerned both about the Brodsky project and a cluster-housing law just adopted that affects other large land parcels in town.

"To me, it's not just one project," he said.

Brodsky's proposal still needs Planning Board approval. That board has already begun reviewing the project, even though the Town Board had not yet adopted the required zoning modifications.

By the way, the Mayor of Las Vegas wants to cut the thumbs off graffiti artists – how come we never get to do fun stuff like that in Woodbury?

Tonight's The Night

Tonight we get to bombard the candidates with questions. So be there or be square.

It starts 7 PM sharp so be in your seats by then.

Monroe Woodbury High School auditorium.

Show up, pay attention, ask questions, bring a warm coat (it's going down the the 30s).

Love Letters In The Sand

Let's open up the Uncle's mailbag and see what there is to repond to.

"ub you like the idea of requests?"

Sure, why not. Some folks request a picture, some request that I stick it where the sun don't shine. To quote any number of ex-convicts: It's all good.

"Why dose it matter how long the supervisors term is or who the supervisor is since we have a new higher government with this new village board?? Did they talk about this extension before the village created or when it was talked about being created? "

Highway Super matters because, until the village decides to pull the plug, the town highway dept will take care of the roads. As to Town Supervisor, the town board will have a job to do, even though the village can choose to overrule them on most issues if it wants to. The subject came up before the vote on the village.

"lets see the written documentation where Ralph said it would prevent annexation!"

Bart Bloom, the lawyer whom Caruso brought to his phony forums, specifically claimed a village would prevent annexation. Ralph was cannier, the first annexation kit created the impression that the village would prevent annexation and surrounded it by weasel words so if he was challenged (like now) he had deniability (like now). Bottom line is he printed (I quote from memory - feel free to post the exact words):
"Can a village annex land from another village simply by asking for it? No." This was followed by those weasel words. If Ralph really wanted people to understand the issues he would have said the truth "annexing land from a village is exactly the same procedure as annexing land from a town."

"All of you need to grow up! You are a bunch of preschoolers with the pictures! you are all obsessed with Ralph! You all wish you good be him! You admire him! Just admit it! Thats the only reason you keep it up with these stupid pictures! Also, you know Ralph looks good no matter what suit he has on and that bothers you! Get over "

OK, I admit it.

"I heard a rumor that Geri Gianzaro is moving out of town soon and resigning from the town board! I think thats the best move she can make!"

How interesting. I myself heard a rumor that you are a bedwetter, sleep with your mom and eat dog feces.

Request Night at the Uncle's

It's not a bad look for him.

The Emperor's New Clothes

A number of posters seem to find fault in Ralph's Wardrobe.

Here at Uncle Headquarters we are always responsive to our readers' requests, and so we offer two possible makeovers.

More shall certainly follow, but darn, we are getting tired of using and reusing Ralph's official head shot. If any of you fine folk have photos of our friend please send them off to cuzzincookie@hotmail.com.

Attack of the Flying Monkeys

Two different sources have told us that this blog was cyber-attacked last weekend.

It was so successful, the Uncle barely noticed.

Gee, who might want to attack the sweet loveable Uncle?