An Avuncular Prediction

There is no way that Lorne Michaels will pass up using Jack McBrayer to open the next new SNL.

By The Company They Keep

Last night the Woodbury Democratic Committee decided to endorse Woodbury Republican Committee Chair Ralph Caruso's hand-picked Perversion Party slate.

Quelle surprise!

How proud the Perversionists must be to have the blessing of such an august body.

See
http://meetunclebetty.blogspot.com/2007/11/blog-post.html
for an example of their previous work.

Tonight the Woodbury Republican Committee meets.

I wonder whom Ralph will try to shove down their throats.

The Uncle maintains that there are damned few perfect people around to choose to lead Woodbury.

I have been, and no doubt will continue to be, at odds with occasional decisions made by both Stephanie Berean-Weeks and Mike Queenan.

But, despite some of the views presented by various anonymi, I think they are both honest people trying to do their best.

I also know that when Caruso gives you his blessing it comes with his expectation that you have turned over full rights to your soul, your brain and your vote to Ralphie.

With the single exception of John Burke, every one of Ralph's meat puppets has eventually broken free of the man (and earned his undying hatred for doing so). But some of them took longer than others to reach emancipation.

Now Ralph is trying to foist a new trio of Ralphlings onto Woodbury.

Be aware, be concerned and be voters.

Tradition: Woodbury's Circular Firing Squad

Thank God, no matter what dangers we face, no matter what crisis is upon us, we can always be counted upon to forget the danger and devote ourselves fully to attacking each other.

Read the postings on this blog and take pride in our unending ability to screw one another into the ground.

Another Slice Of Pie

The Pieman sends an invite.

He's putting together a debate of the Village mayoral and trustee candidates to take place on March 3rd at 7:30 PM at the CV Elementary School.

He says: "OCEAN has arranged for a site, chairs, tables, microphones and a moderator. The moderator will be Tony Houston, former Warwick Supervisor and Photo-News reporter. He will have full control over the format and the content.

"Tony is also handling the invitations and I'll pass along the responses by the three slates."

So, take all those questions that you folks have been posting here and schlep them down to the Elementary School and annoy the hell out of the candidates.

Dealing With Yesterday, Tomorrow!

Ben Meyers Discovers Woodbury And Informs The Photo News

Recently, I announced that I am a candidate for mayor of the Village of Woodbury and my running mates for the positions of Trustees are Frederick Ungerer and George Pedersen.

I have written to Orange County Legislature Majority Leader Roxanne Donnery, state Sen. William J. Larkin Jr. and state Assemblywoman Nancy Calhoun concerning the issues of taxes, traffic and other very important matters of great importance to our Village of Woodbury.

The Woodbury Commons shopping center located in Central Valley generates the greatest, by far, sales tax revenue in Orange County. Woodbury suffers all of the hardships of traffic, which is horrendous, and crime.

Yet Woodbury receives approximately 4 percent of the sales tax generated from “The Commons.” The rest of the county benefits from the other 96 percent of this revenue, yet they share none of hardships.

Because of the congestion, commuters that live in the Village north of “The Commons” sometimes take 45 minutes, or more, to get home after exiting Route 6, the Thruway or Route 17.

A population explosion north of Central Valley has created an enormous volume of traffic. This major congestion must be relieved by routing traffic off of Route 32 and around Central Valley and Highland Mills.

Relieving this dangerous commuter traffic (it is difficult to safely enter onto and exit off of Route 32) will have little or no impact on local businesses to whose growth I am sensitive.

This change of traffic pattern can be executed by putting another Thruway exit halfway between Harriman and Newburgh. A dangerous situation should make pedestrian injury or death a less likelihood, while also creating enormous relief for commuters and other travelers going to the northern edge of Highland Mills, Cornwall and Vales Gate in New Windsor.

Benjamin Meyers

Candidate for mayor

Village of Woodbury


Does anyone have the heart to break it to Ben that these new problems that he just discovered have been around for years and that people have been trying to solve them for years?

A good number of Woodburians have been looking into way to change the way tax revenue from the Common is distributed and have been working with Nancy Calhoun to try to get a Thruway exit added.

And yes, so far there has been no success.

But Meyers isn't offering any solutions either. All that he is doing,and rather belatedly at that, is announcing that he has discovered that there are problems.

And it's wonderful that, now that he is running for mayor, he has discovered these problems.

But it would have been finer still if his interest extended to finding out what's been tried and what roadblocks have been encountered and to reaching out to those in Woodbury who have been attempting to deal with these issues.

For example, he might have taken part in the South East Orange Traffic Task Force meetings which were aimed at dealing with Woodbury's traffic problems.

And it would have been lovely if he had cared enough to notice these things before he decided that he ought to be mayor.

Better late than never, but it looks a little foolish to send off letters to the papers claiming credit for just discovering problems that others have already been working on for years.

Any ideas about solutions Mr. Meyers?

Or is that asking too much?

Privacy Rites

The Uncle has been looking back at the past six months or so of postings, which did not receive my full attenti0n at the time.


One that caught our eye (do you enjoy the Uncle's haphazard jumps from first person singular to first person plural to third person?) was a response to photos we showed of the campaign signs in Ralph Caruso's front yard.


In response, Anonymous (catchy name, that) posted: "Isn't this The United States of America. Who else do you SPY on? Get a job!!"


Here's am interesting piece of trivia: most folks are unaware that reading the political signs put up in front yards is spying.


In fact, a number of anthropologists have theorized that the reason that some people put political signs in their front yards is so that they will be read


However, if Ralph Caruso feels that reading his political signs is an invasion of his privacy, might we suggest that during the next election cycle he consider putting up the signs in his back yard.

Problem solved.

Uncle Betty's Dos and Don'ts

If you go shopping and have a complaint, remember you're more likely to get help if you are pleasant and polite than if you are rude and snide.

But, if you act like a total screaming lunatic, they'll give you anything if you'll shut up and go away.

The Chair In The Corner

Writing from "The Chairman's Corner," Perversion Party Chairman Ralph Caruso expresses unhappiness that some unnamed individual is living in a bungalow colony and paying a "seasonal rate" on taxes.

Our little blabberbird in the Perversionist nest tells us that he believes that Caruso is referring to the Pieman.

So, we emailed the pieguy directly and asked for a response.
Here it be:

No, not me.

Raananah Park where I live is not and has never been a bungalow colony. Also we are assessed at the full rate. Mr. Caruso knows that because he's been through my tax records.

Feel free to call Laura Breslin, the Town Assessor, and ask for yourself.

Either Mr. Caruso is talking about someone else or he is knowingly putting out misinformation.

I note that he doesn't name anyone. That makes it easier to put out wrong information, because he can't be hauled into court.

Jonathan Swiller

The Non-Persistence of Memory

Anonymous said...
What?The only annexation petition filed was regarding the Nepera property and the entire Village Board opposed it.Confused
5:18 PM, February 05, 2009


From The Photo News
May 12, 2005

‘A gesture of good neighborship'
By Bob Quinn
WOODBURY-The Kiryas Joel Alliance announced this week it has withdrawn its petition to annex 87 acres from the Town of Woodbury into the Village of Kiryas Joel "as a gesture of good faith in its desire for improved relations and neighborliness with the surrounding communities."

Pinkus Jakobowitz, speaking on behalf of the alliance at a press conference with town of Woodbury officials and members of SOCA at Work, acknowledged that the sole motive behind the annexation bid was "to help alleviate the great hardship experienced by large middle income families in their quest for affordable housing.


"However, after listening to the concerns of our neighbors during various discussions with leaders of the Town of Woodbury and SOCA-at-Work for the past two months, and after evaluating the current situation as a whole, we have concluded that for the sake of promoting good neighborly relations we are withdrawing this petition for annexation," he added.

The timing of the Tuesday's announcement, noted Woodbury Supervisor Sheila Conroy, was important because on Wednesday, the state Department of Environmental Conservation was to rule on which municipality - the town of Woodbury or the village of Kiryas Joel - would be the lead agency to oversee environmental reviews.

Conroy, like Jakobowitz and Jonathan Swiller from SOCA at Work, acknowledged the spirit of cooperation among the parties. And although the details remain to be worked out, she and Town Councilwoman Lorraine McNeill also discussed the creation of a community panel to continue discussions between the groups.

That collegiality has not always been evident in such discussion.SOCA is non-profit organization comprised of members who are concerned about the potential growth in southern Orange County and committed to fighting the proposed "KJ Pipeline" as well as any future proposals to annex Monroe and Woodbury property into the Village of Kiryas Joel, according to its Web site.

"We can prevent annexation. We can prevent the creation of new villages. But we can only do so if the panic selling stops," the group says on the Web.But on Tuesday afternoon, at the backyard press conference in Woodbury, Swiller also struck a conciliatory tone with the Alliance.

"When the KJA saw that our objection to annexation was based on real concerns, and not blind resistance, they reconsidered the idea of annexation and told us that it was outweighed by their wish to have constructive relationships with their neighbors," he said. "They then offered to drop their annexation plan. This was done unilaterally and was not part of any quid pro quo. And we are profoundly grateful to the Kiryas Joel Alliance who put neighborliness first, and proved that their words were matched by their actions. We view this event as merely the start of an interaction based on mutual respect, openness and fairness on all sides."

Then he and Jakobowitz shook hands.

The issue of growth in Kiryas Joel remains, however. According to a report in the Times Herald-Record, the alliance has not withdrawn the second annexation petition it filed in August n to annex 97 acres of Monroe into Kiryas Joel.


http://strausnews.com/articles/2005/05/18/photo_news/news/1.txt

The Name of the Uncle

Wherever did you get the idea that Uncle Betty is not my real name?

Parents do strange things to their children - as evidence I reprint one my earliest postings:

Thursday, September 29, 2005
Ours is a shallow culture. The things that we ought to hold as important we don’t. The silly, little things which should mean nothing, mean all.

A name. How important can a name be? And yet, our names may be our destinies.

When Mr. and Mrs. Geraldine Gianzero’s Parents had their little daughter, something about her reminded them of Flip Wilson in drag.

When Mike’s parents (Which Mike? That’s the point.) decided, let’s name our son the same thing that everyone else in America is naming their son this year, was this in the best interest of the child? (By the way, have you noticed that not one of them feels the need to call himself "Michael (Mike)"?)

And then there is Ralph. COME ON PARENTS! You went and gave your kid a name that’s a euphemism for barfing! This is a baby we’ve got here, and he’s got to grow up hearing "After that 8th shot of tequila I ralphed all over my shoes."

Don’t do this to a child! I, Uncle Betty, know the burden of an ill-considered Christening!

OK, there was Ralph Bellamy. But he was a handsome man with a head of hair like a God!

And, to be honest, our Ralph isn’t.

As to the hair. It really isn’t so big a deal. Look at how Mike Erroneous deals with male pattern baldness. He shaves his head. And he looks fine.

Well, sure, he looks a little weasley. But no one says that it is an unhandsome weasliness.

Unfortunately, when it came to handsomeness, the Lord had other plans for Ralph. And mysterious are His ways (the Lord’s I mean) (well, come to think of it so are Ralph’s).

But, but, but...what’s with the comb-over? Shave your head, wear a wig, get implants, tattoos, cover your head in tin foil...any of these has to be better than that comb-over. Come on now!

So, is it any wonder that a baby so ill treated by his parents, who became a man, so cast aside by the Hair Club for Men, would turn to the dark side?

Do not merely look at Ralph, sneer and turn away. Look at Ralph, feel some pity, then sneer and turn away.


By the by, as to the accusation that I have a man crush on Ralph, guilty as charged. But then again, who doesn't?

Help Needed In Monroe

Hi Everyone,

I'm asking for help for a family in Monroe who was burned out of their apartment.

Their children attend the preschool where I work. If anyone can help, the family is in desperate need of:
Beds: 1 Double, 1 Twin
Crib Mattress
Small Kitchen Set
Lamps
End Tables
DressersSofa
Chairs
Etc.

We can arrange for the items to be picked up from whoever can donate.

Thanks!

Helen

Best: 774-9206 Home: 928-3313