Wherever did you get the idea that Uncle Betty is not my real name?
Parents do strange things to their children - as evidence I reprint one my earliest postings:
Thursday, September 29, 2005
Ours is a shallow culture. The things that we ought to hold as important we don’t. The silly, little things which should mean nothing, mean all.
A name. How important can a name be? And yet, our names may be our destinies.
When Mr. and Mrs. Geraldine Gianzero’s Parents had their little daughter, something about her reminded them of Flip Wilson in drag.
When Mike’s parents (Which Mike? That’s the point.) decided, let’s name our son the same thing that everyone else in America is naming their son this year, was this in the best interest of the child? (By the way, have you noticed that not one of them feels the need to call himself "Michael (Mike)"?)
And then there is Ralph. COME ON PARENTS! You went and gave your kid a name that’s a euphemism for barfing! This is a baby we’ve got here, and he’s got to grow up hearing "After that 8th shot of tequila I ralphed all over my shoes."
Don’t do this to a child! I, Uncle Betty, know the burden of an ill-considered Christening!
OK, there was Ralph Bellamy. But he was a handsome man with a head of hair like a God!
And, to be honest, our Ralph isn’t.
As to the hair. It really isn’t so big a deal. Look at how Mike Erroneous deals with male pattern baldness. He shaves his head. And he looks fine.
Well, sure, he looks a little weasley. But no one says that it is an unhandsome weasliness.
Unfortunately, when it came to handsomeness, the Lord had other plans for Ralph. And mysterious are His ways (the Lord’s I mean) (well, come to think of it so are Ralph’s).
But, but, but...what’s with the comb-over? Shave your head, wear a wig, get implants, tattoos, cover your head in tin foil...any of these has to be better than that comb-over. Come on now!
So, is it any wonder that a baby so ill treated by his parents, who became a man, so cast aside by the Hair Club for Men, would turn to the dark side?
Do not merely look at Ralph, sneer and turn away. Look at Ralph, feel some pity, then sneer and turn away.
By the by, as to the accusation that I have a man crush on Ralph, guilty as charged. But then again, who doesn't?
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47 comments:
Hey Uncle Betty A.K.A. Jonathan Swiller, gee "Uncle" "Betty" ,a bit of an identity crisis, to say the least, you should get some help with that. You write alot of lies on this blog. Why don't you admit who you are! Everyone knows anyway, but I guess that's what makes it easy to write the lies. You hide behind a stupid name. That's a COWARD! How does it feel to be a COWARD! It must be terrible to know that if you admitted who you really are that know one would listen! How does it feel knowing that no one has any respect for you or for what you say,and thats why you try to hide your identity.Your afraid to admit who you are, because the truth hurts,though we all know you have alot of trouble telling the truth,that just another thing you should get help with! Now, the biggest thing you should get help with is your OBSESSION with Ralph Caruso. Since you seem to act so juvenile, lets compare what your doing to Ralph to what a schoolboy does when he has a crush, like when a boy likes someone he makes fun of the them because he doesn't know how to express himself. So, it's time to admit the truth, that you LIKE, ENVY, ADMIRE AND RESPECT Ralph Caruso! Come on, say it with me, you LIKE, ENVY, ADMIRE AND RESPECT Ralph Caruso! Now that must make you feel better! I mean that would explain why you are always writing about him. Now, to the people that read this blog,let's be real you can't possibly believe someone who set up and writes a blog bashing people and will not admit who they are. Especially when the blogger's profile says his occupation is enlightened sexpot, how could any smart person take that seriously. Also, let's look at some anonymous comments, that are only a few minutes apart, it's obvious that it's one person having a conversation with themselves pretending it's two. They may believe they are two people in one, but that's one more thing for him to get help with. Think about it people!
Good one Swiller, way to try to change the topic yet again. You fat idiot.
Swiller if you're so concerned with Woodbury, Why don't you run for office, You would rather hide in the shadows (big shadows) and stir the pot, your a true scumbag!
The Uncle is not especially concerned with "know" for "no" and "your" for "you're" - we all make those minor errors from time to time - but posting the same long rant three times is a bit excessive.
Also calling Swiller a scumbag and a fat idiot again and again adds little to the discussion, so please vary your insults.
Lastly, you repeatedly accuse Swiller and/or the Uncle of spreading lies. It would be far more helpful if you were specific about which statements, by whom, you consider untruthful, and even more useful if you demonstrated how those statements were false.
poster number 4 is right, Swiller is more then just a fat idiot and a scumbag, he is also piece of shit and a sharp dresser
See, was that so hard?
Caruso, you and your hypnotised puppets always claim that people are secretly in love with you. Do you believe that crap, or is it just pure defense mechanism?
And I agree, if you want to claim that Swiller or anyone else is a liar, point out the lies. If you can't then we are safe in assuming that there aren't any.
TO Uncle Betty/swiller/any anonymous blogger. Could anyone show me in writing where either the community party, preservation party, queenan, aronowitz, said creating a village will stop annexation.
Only a dedicated bunch of elected official with the kahoonas to stand up plus not listening to our present doomsayer attorneys and fight in the courts can stop annexation. Too bad we don't have any of those in village government right now. Right Neil??
What?
The only annexation petition filed was regarding the Nepera property and the entire Village Board opposed it.
Confused
No there was an annexation attempt back in 2005 or so and the people that worked to stop it were mostly Sheila Conroy and Lorraine McNeil. But the idiots of this town/village don't appreciate that. And the main point is that Sheila and Lorraine got the annexation to go away!!!!
Annexation attempt in 2005 took place BEFORE the Village was created, so as the 2nd to last poster stated, there has only been one other attempt, so what gives with the post:
"Only a dedicated bunch of elected official with the kahoonas to stand up plus not listening to our present doomsayer attorneys and fight in the courts can stop annexation. Too bad we don't have any of those in village government right now. Right Neil?"
Obviously you're one of those know-it-alls who NEVER attends Village Board meetings, and tries to act like you're informed, when really you're just following somebody else's self-serving opinions. It must be nice to be so damn ignorant!
What's the matter Robin. Struck a nerve?
Hey, K-I-A, once again, assumptions that are 100% wrong. I am not Robin, and obviously it's YOUR nerve that was struck. It must really tick you off that you and the rest of your feeble little group can't seem to shake the Village Board no matter how many attempts you make...but that's because they are good, honest people with the best interests of the residents at heart- unlike you people, who have your own self-serving agendas and who seek office only to fulfill them. Gotta hand it to you though, you are persistent, like one of those nasty coughs that just doesn't seem to go away.
It is nice to see Stephanie and her team have so much support. And I think it is really very big of Sandy to be pals with John Kellemen after what he did to her husband. That shows a very forgiving nature.
To the 859 am poster:
They may be well intentioned but that is not enough.
Some competency is required and we have not seen that in the past two years.
And by what standards are you measuring competency? While you're at it, why don't you show what an informed person you are, and list the reasons you believe they're incompetent?? Let's see how competent you are!
Who would want to work for Kelleman?
News Flash!!! Mario's, 6PM, Thursday, 2/5/09 -- John Keleman and Cliff and Stephanie Weeks walking hand and hand into the restaurant. Clipboards and cell phones in use during most of the meal. Wonder what's going on?? (And what were those furtive glances?)
to the 8:33am poster: it is nice to be so damn ignorant. i can vote for anyone i want and not be blamed for my stupidity. after all, i'm just a poor ignoramus.
John Kelleman, the man who lost his election and then crawled into a hole for ten years. Why is he surfacing now?
Again, who cares?
Kelleman has only popped up his head because he's out for revenge, he hates Burke and the rest of his merry men for breaking his balls when he was a councilman, now it's payback time, rightly so indeed! Things should get interesting!
Maybe he's resurfacing now to stop Caruso who lost election after election after election and is trying to put Woodbury into a hole.
Maybe! but I think it's pay back time!!
Hey if we get to pay back Caruso for all the sh*t he's pulled where can I get in line?
Must there always be an angle? Can't individuals that have lived in Woodbury their entire lives and want to protect their community to the point where they actually GET INVOLVED be doing so for that very reason?
When is Kelleman moving to California where he can legally grow grass in his backyard?
There is big bucks to be made in Calf! I saw some show on the boob tube. But then there is the risk one might smoke up all the profits!!!!!!!!!!! HA HA HA So Keleman & Weeks are hanging out in Marios. A little too local/ yocal for me.
Nice to see people having fundraisers in "local/yocal" places (as you refer to) and supporting the local economy. Much rather see that than supporting establishments that weren't wanted in Woodbury from the beginning!
With regard to Marios and California-- who's the puppet? Who's the puppeteer? Who's buying? Selling?
Oooooooooh-more mystery,smoke & mirrors, implications, BLAH,BLAH,BLAH. Grow up, will ya!
Kelleman is NOT interested in protecting his community. If he was then where was he for the past ten years? If anything, the revenge motive sounds right. But no matter what his reasons for surfacing now, it is not for anyone's good but his own. He is not only a pot-head, he is not a nice person, not matter how much he pretends to be Mr. Nice guy.
He is only interested in himself and if he moved to California, that would be good for woodbury.
So what already. If you're gonna pick apart Kelleman, then you should pay equal time to Hunter and Caruso, don't you think???
You also need to add Queenan to the list!
What are you talking about, Hunter and Caruso?
(and where have you been? if your point is that we should talk about Ralphie)
John Kellman is a selfish person, not a great humanitarian. The only one who thinks he is great is Desiree.
and with her as a reference, well, do I have to say it?
Say what?
And if selfishness is a disqualifier, thank God that trait is confined to only one person in town.
Kelleman may be selfish and full of revenge, but Desiree is just plan rude!
Kelleman may be selfish and full of revenge, but Desiree is just plan rude!
So what about Hunter and Caruso?
Well they are BOTH rude and obnoxious!
All four of them are rude!
you are rude
I am not rude, just stewed!
Drinking again?
Don't you normally start right after work before you leave the parking lot?
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