Seeing The Light

Much as I hate to admit it, sometimes the Uncle is just plain slow.

I watched the last town board meeting. Fully prepared for "the show" as John Burke calls it.

I had my buttered pop-corn, my Diet Dr. Pepper, my cat, all the things that one needs for full enjoyment of our own, home-grown version of "Mad TV."

I loved seeing Bo explain that the village vote was a referendum on the Town Board and that there was 90% turnout in the last presidential election.

I ate it up when Caruso explained that he’d challenged the voter registration of all the Jews on Milval and Serpi because those are "summer bungalows".

I was thrilled to see the Rump Roast, just for old times sake.

But I didn’t quite get the whole "Seasonal Dwelling" thing. Obviously something was going on. Obviously Swiller was on one side and the Ralphlings were on the other. But what exactly was the issue?

So, the Uncle sent out the nieces and the nephews to snoop around a little.

Here’s what it’s all about (near as we can decode it).

Swiller lives in a place called Raananah Park. It was built about 70 years ago as a summer community; what was then called, generically, a "bungalow colony".

Well, there are no bungalows there now. Over the decades the houses have been rebuilt and it’s now one of the most beautiful communities in town - substantial homes (with not a bi-level in sight), huge lawns, and a humongous number of trees. Trees everywhere. Tons of trees.

No wonder KJ’s clear-cutting ways don’t sit well with Swiller.

And, the residents there pay full taxes.

But, once upon a time it was called a bungalow colony.

And that’s what Caruso and Donnelly are trying to use to get Swiller’s place called "Seasonal."

Because...

If it’s "Seasonal" no one can live there after the "Season." That would be from June 15th to October 15th.

It seems the whole point of the Seasonal Law is to keep summer cabins without heat or winter water or insulation or proper leech fields from being used year round.

Those homes in Raananah Park are no summer cabins. Each one is a hell of a lot nicer than Caruso’s shack (which looks like a mobile home).

But, there were Caruso and Donnelly and Mullooly and a brand new Ralphling named Mary Beth King, all trying to get Swiller thrown out of his home.

You gotta hand it to Ralph. Just when you think you know how scummy he is, he shows you that he was just warming up.

If he can’t beat you politically. And he can’t get you to buy his lies. And he can’t scare you. And his smears don’t work. He’ll just try to get you thrown out of your home.

What a fine human being.