Campaign Short Takes

Last week's Photo News had the Woodbury Republicrat's ad featuring John, Darleen and Bo (remember him) as well as 15 different type faces and a misspelling of Darleen's last name. Now that's impressive.

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The same issue had an ad for Ralph which not only didn't tell you what he was running for. In the photo, Ralph, the dark gray candidate, was against a dark gray background and he was nearly invisible. Good move, the more we see of Ralph, the harder it is to sell him to the public.

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A recent T.H.R. carried a letter from Adrienne Burke (wife of the Democratic candidate) backing Henry (Hank) (the first and only candidate in the history of the "Save Our Town" Party).

During the primary, Henry( Hank)’s supporters were caught off guard when it was pointed out to them that they should list reasons to vote for the man. “Holy Crap,” they must have thought, “there must be some reason. The best they could come up with was “He attends meetings.”

Then, when they realized how really, really pathetic that sounded, they went back into a huddle.
Among the ideas that were rejected were: “speaks at meetings,” “speaks while dancing at meetings,” “reads what we hand him at meetings” and “often stays awake at meetings.”

They briefly considered Darleens’s suggestion: “Let’s just make something up.”

Then Ralph Caruso decided it was time to crack the whip. “You’ll come up with four reasons to vote for Henry (Hank) or I’m going to take the muzzle and restraints off Don Siebold and leave the room.”

It worked. Adrienne Burke was soon able to sign a letter to the Times Herald and/or Record explaining why Henry (Hank) was the way to go: “Hank Sullivan has presented positive alternative suggestions to such things as a safe location for the cell tower, the formation of a town ethics committee, more public participation time, tough questions for developers, etc.”

OK, the Ethics Board would be a good thing. It would also keep someone like, say, Ralph, from chairing both a political committee and the Zoning Board of Appeal (I wonder why Mike Erroneous didn’t vote for it).

“Tough questions for developers”? Okiedoke. The Uncle is thorough. I read through the public hearing transcript until I found a question by Henry (Hank). I found it in this paragraph:

“All these impacts suggested that they have a resolve by the developer. However, if we look close and check the proposed laws to be enacted along with the developer’s proposal, we find many conflicting statements. I will give you one: seniors, of which I am one, seniors are being taken care of. However, it further states seniors don’t have children. That makes someone else feel bad - the taxpayers. Seniors don’t have children, so their taxes will keep the school taxes down. Ask yourself; is this really helping us seniors?”

I agree, the developers would have a tough time answering that one. They might even have a tough time understanding it.

“More public participation time” Aw, for crying out loud. More? Offer less and I’d consider voting for you.

And at the head of the list of reasons to vote for Henry(Hank) there is: “Hank Sullivan has presented positive alternative suggestions to such things as a safe location for the cell tower...”

Yesiree Bob. Hank did in fact suggest putting the tower on Schunemunk Mountain. And while it turns out that reception wouldn’t have been so hot, it wasn’t a bad suggestion. But he made it SIX YEARS AGO! That’s how far back you have to go to find four examples of Hank’s “positive, alternate suggestions?”

Oh my stars and little fishes.