Burke and Hair?

OK, we've looked into Darleen, Henry (Hank) and, of course, Caruso. Posters have gone after Sheila, Gerri and Roxanne. But we've barely discussed Johnnie Burke. How did he slip through the cracks? Is it that Elvis hair? Is it misattributed respect for the King?

I have another theory. It is impossible to think about John Burke without falling asleep. Listening to him drone on, meeting after meeting, saying nothing that remains in the mind when he is done -he doesn't have sleeping sickness, but he's a carrier.

He is like a brick of shredded wheat. Dry, tasteless, hard to get down, but seemingly good for you. In truth, before the FDA started making trouble for the cereal makers, the nutritional value of shredded wheat was the same as the box it came in. So, is that it? He appears to be good for us (whether or not there's anything there).

So who knows John Burke? Who went to his school or worked there? Is it true that he spent hours a day in the parking lot waving at the cars bringing the kids?

"He's a good man who's done a lot for Woodbury." That's what his PR people say. So, what has he done for Woodbury?

These are real questions. Please let the Uncle know.

Or then again. maybe it is just the hair.