Preparing To Tell The Tale

OK, so the next posting was supposed to be Swiller's second one, but when I read what it was about, I demanded to tell the story, Noooooobody can tell a story this stupid like the Uncle.

There was much arguing and threatening and punching and shoving (well, as much as email allows for) but in the end the Uncle emerged VICTORIOUS!

And I get to tell the story. I get to tell the story.

Now if I screw up I’ll really look like a monumental jerk. SO – give me a little time and I’ll post it by tomorrow.

While you’re waiting, some mood setting.
The place: Woodbury.
The Time: The present.
The Cast: Caruso and his bunch of lying, whining, weasel (oops - got carried away)

Take two

The Cast: Mr. Caruso, Mr. Sullivan,, Mr. Donnelly, Ms Mullooly and our shining star the radiant Ms. Reveille.

Background story number 1: Caruso writes a "My View" talking about the Brodsky project. Accidentally, due to a World War One typing injury, he gets every single fact wrong. Swiller (who is, of course, sweet as pie) goes to the trouble of writing his own "My View" ---

I interupt this posting to bring up a pet peeve. I have written 8 or 14 My Views and not one has been printed (one I shortened and it was printed as a letter). Swiller and Caruso accidentally drop their shopping lists and they get printed as a "My View." The Uncle isn’t paranoid, but he’s seriously considering becoming so. Now back to our tale.

– so Swiller writes a "My View" pointing out Ralphie’s little lapses in truth (if the Uncle were harsher he would call Ralphie’s little fictions "LIES" - which of course they are - but the Uncle isn’t like that. Ralphie responds by going to the Tax Assessor’s Office and looking into Swiller’s taxes. Nice guy, huh? FOR A FASCIST! (Oops, there’s that harshness again - gently, gently...).

Then there is the story of The Dirty Dealings Of The Dancing Dude

(Yeah, yeah, alliteration is the last resort of inspirationally challenged)

(By the way a "Person In Whom I Confide" just wondered in, big nose included and asked "Why are you rewriting this instead of just posting what Swiller sent?" Because my story telling powers are soooooooooo much better AND IT’S MY FLIPPING BLOG! - can any of you children say "Premenstrual"?)

Ok, ok, ok, ok, Background story number 2

So Henry(Hank) writes a letter to the Photo News or the Record or the PennySaver and it is chock-a -block full to bursting with invented facts and hallucinations. And Swiller sticks it in a newsletter and tears it apart line by line and ends by asking -just a sec - gotta get the quote right - we are fastidious about such things - "Should someone as ill informed and/or as dishonest as Hank Sullivan, really be considered for public office?"

Now, that strikes the Uncle as being a valid question - given the L.W.D. (Lie to Word Density) of Henry (Hanks)’s missive.

But H(H) doesn’t see it that way and he sends a couple of his Elder Shock Troops to a particular business establishment in town where SOCA collects (yeah AT WORK, AT WORK, it’s there, shaddup) money and gives out flyers. And these two of Hanksters Gangsters tell the very well beloved proprietress of this place, take down this SOCA AT WORK stuff or no one from the senior center will shop here. And, having just gone through a rough stretch the woman in question does just that.

So, first, did you folks at the Senior Center all know that Hank was using you as a threat against a very nice Woodbury business-woman in order to stop SOCA AT WORK from pointing out that he is a LYING PIECE OF (10, 9, 8, 7, 6 –fine now, thank you, move along, nothing to see)

And second, Caruso and the Gruesome Crewso react to being contradicted in public by trying to keep the other side muffled. This is the group that wants to run Woodbury. Good luck to us all.

As for Darleen’s story. I’ll work on that and put it up sometime soon. It’s time for Lost.