Caucus
Main Entry: caucus
Pronunciation: 'ko-k&s
Function: noun
Etymology: origin unknown
: a closed meeting of a group of persons belonging to the same political party or faction usually to select candidates or to decide on policy; also : a group of people united to promote an agreed-upon cause .
Thus sayest Merriam-Webster.
"So what?" you well may ask. Go ahead, ask, I'll wait.
Here's what. Before and after most big town meetings, like the two at the Monroe Woodbury High School Ralph Caruso has a caucus. He puts his head together with his pals and they talk.
Maybe they talk about the weather. Or the price of gas. Or Val and Jennifer. Whatever the subject is, the chats are lengthy and, to the not so casual observer, at times intense.
"So what?" You well may repeat. Again, feel free.
Well, here are some of the folks who huddle:
Ralph , Don (Ankle Biter) Siebold, Henry (Hank) Sullivan, Carol (Half the facts, half the time) Mullooly, John (Whatever it is, I’m against it) Burke, Darlene (Bubbles) Reveille.
“But wait,” (that’s your line) “are these not in fact political opponents? Are not Henry (Hank) and Darlene running against one another?” (Gee, you speak funny) “Did you not quote the venerable Merriam-Webster as saying that a caucus consists of persons belonging to the same political party or faction?”
Yeah, yup, uh huh.
Piece #3
6 comments:
Oh , gee, darn, um...I forgot that. Right. Uh huh. Yep. OK. [edges nervously towards door] Of course. Just as you say. [turns and runs]. HAVE A SEAT, I'LL BE RIGHT BACK!
Dear Mr. Swiller
Are you secretly running the town? If so, may I have a pony?
Very Truly Yours
Uncle Betty
Dear Uncle Betty,
Yes, I am. And sure.
Jonathan
Can I get back to you on that?
Wowie zowie Jack, Mystery and Suspense! Yippee!
So let’s be good little junior G-men and see what clues there are:
Jack Says:
There’s some guy in the back of the room.
The guy in back of the room is on the planning board.
The guy in the back of the room (along with SOCA) controls Sheila.
Boys and Girls, Jack seems to be telling us that he is privy to all sorts of secret information about who is running things. Nifty!
But.
But.
Jack wants the Uncle to think that Jack doesn’t even know the guy’s name.
Hey Jack. Isn’t that a bit off?
Now, I’ve seen Jack Bauer at work on the TV show “24" and he’s a lot better at this than you are, so the Uncle begins to think “Hey, maybe this guy isn’t Jack Bauer. Maybe his name isn’t Jack at all.”
But hey, Jack, I don’t wanna jump to conclusions, so I’ll just keep calling you Jack instead of, um, say Don or Ralph or John or Mike to pick some random examples.
But if you want to play the home version of the Uncle Betty game then you first have to learn the rules. Feel free to accuse anyone of anything, but then - and here’s the fun part - you gotta prove it.
For example,
The Uncle can, and will, prove that Carol Mullooly cares so little for the people of Woodbury that she is willing to feed them half truths and downright distortions.
The Uncle can, and will, prove that Bob Donnelly (Chairman of the Woodbury Democratic Committee), is not only a speaker of falsehoods, but is taking his orders from Ralph Caruso (Chairman of the Woodbury Republican Committee).
The Uncle can, and will, prove that Mike Erroneous is willfully misleading the people of this Town.
And that’s just for starters.
So, Jack, tag, you’re it.
At this point there are only two possibilities. You are part of Ralph Caruso and John Burke’s posse, spreading lies about Sheila or you have proof. If so, show it.
halp!
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