The Buck Stops Somewhere Else

John Burke takes responsibility for the for the infamous flyer.

Unfortunately, he has yet to explain what taking responsibility means.

It appears to mean "Hey, let’s talk about something else."

The Uncle would have loved to have been at the Town Board Meeting, but Smallville was on and there is such a thing as priorities.

But we have a received word from our crack cub reporter, J.S. Pieman and here at Uncle Head-Quarters we have taken his somewhat disjointed notes (you can’t get good help nowadays) and attempted to assemble a picture of what transpired (we could wait for the video to show up on channel 22 - but what fun would that be?)

The room, we are told, was nearly full. But missing from the crowd were Mike Aronowitz, Bo Haviland and Carlton Levine (that last is no surprise - the Uncle has long doubted that he actually exists).

Also nowhere to be found were such overly familiar faces as the Rump Roast, The Ankle Biter and Senator-Larkin’s-31-year-resident-of-Woodbury-Chairman-of-the-Republican-Committee-Aide Ralph Whatshisname. All three of whom managed to put in an appearance at the previous night’s Village Board Meeting.

Also M.I.A. were Democratic Committee Chairman Manny Manny as well as Bob (the Toad) Donnelly and Dancing Hank Sullivan (of these last two, it is widely believed that the latter was absent due to being eaten by the former).

The first half of the entertainment, the actual town business, was boring and uneventful. But this was more than made up for the by second half, the Public Excoriation Segment.

Maria Hunter led off by reading the Times Herald Record Post Examiner’s editorial which demanded John (Fuzzie-Wuzzie) Burke’s resignation. Ms. Hunter then asked John to resign.

Then came the Pieman who talked a lot (we have included his full remarks below, as an appendix, for those who are interested - hell, he sent them to us so what else are we going to do with them?).

Among the other speakers were Sandy Capriglione who pointed out:

that John admitted that he had approved the flyer that claimed that Mike Aronowitz and Lorraine McNeil had "approved the plan to increase (the Timber Ridge) Assessments."

and

that John had admitted that he knew that Mike Aronowitz and Lorraine McNeil had not "approved the plan to increase (the Timber Ridge) Assessments."

How, Ms Capriglione asked, did John reconcile these two contradictory things?

John then launched into a five minute digression on how, when you hire someone, you then become responsible for all of his future acts, statements, thoughts and dreams, forever (it’s sort of like when you save someone’s life).

When he finally ran out of gas, Ms Capriglione quietly pointed out that John had not answered her question.

At that point Fuzzie-Wuzzie did a Buddha imitation and clammed up.

The Pieman is uncertain about this, apparently still semi-numb from John’s little verbal ramble, but he thinks that Ms Capriglione may have asked John to resign.

Mickey O’Brien spoke of his long fondness for Fuzzie-Wuzzie and asked him to resign.

Bob Hunter asked John to resign.

Robin Crouse explained something or other about the Ethics Law and then may have asked John to resign.

Mindy Prosperi made an impassioned speech (the Pieman claims that he could not do it justice, but that it made his hair stand on end and urges readers to watch the tape) which ended with her asking John to resign.

The only respite that John got came when Neil Crouse rose to discuss the idea of the Town and Village working together on the Business Improvement District. John was so unbearably grateful to Crouse for taking attention away from the chorus of "resign, resign" that he appeared ready to devote the rest of the evening to the subject. The regret that John felt as Neil left the podium was palpable (that means you could feel it).

The Pieman returned and brought John back to Sandy Capriglione’s question. Taking responsibility for hiring someone is one thing, but words have meaning and the flyer (hell is it flyer or flier?) specifically stated that Mike Aronowitz and Lorraine McNeil had "approved the plan to increase your assessments."

Pieman: "Had Lorraine McNeil approved the plan to increase assessments?"

Fuzzie-Wuzzie: "No."

Pieman: "Had Michael Aronowitz approved the plan to increase assessments?"

Fuzzie-Wuzzie: "You interrupted me, I wasn’t finished answering."

PM: "I thought that you had answered."

F-W: No, you interrupted me."

PM: "Sorry, then please finish."

F-W: "No, you interrupted me, so I won’t finish."

PM: "So, you’re saying that because I interrupted you, you don’t owe an explanation for lying to the town?"

At this point the Pieman reports that he was so blown over by John’s weaseliness (our words, not his) that he failed to note the exact words that Burke used to say, in effect, "Nyah, nyah, you interrupted me, now I don’t have to explain why I lied."

Speaking of lies. The Uncle now realizes that he too will prove himself untruthful. I promised to include the Pieman’s little harangue here, but this entry is damned long enough, so look for it as the first comment.

Yes, yes, I could go back and edit out the bit where I say that I will stick it down here, but that would be revisionism.